Let's Hear It for the DADS!

This month I only want to talk to my dads and future dads…  Although I do not have children of my own, I know what I am talking about.  Being an uncle since I was 8 years old has given me a huge clue.  Now that the politics are out of the way, I need my brothers from other mothers to do something for me...  If you do not it already, I need you to give your children a BIG hug, a kiss on the forehead, and tell your children and wife (in front of your children) you love them!

This sounds simple, but you might be surprise how many men have never and will never actually do this simple thing that means so much.  You may also be surprised at the number of men who have never witnessed a man share that type of public love with their mothers/grandmothers/aunts.  As men in America, we are taught to shut up and not show emotion.  Showing emotion means you are weak and not worthy of respect.  No man wants to be viewed as weak! No man wants to be disrespected! I thought the greatest thing I witnessed at SBBW was a father kissing his son on the top of his head right before his test while telling him he is proud of him and that he loves him.  That was a huge WOW for me! Today, I am here to tell you to go against the societal norm.  You will retain the respect of your family and you will have more emotionally stable children.  No, I am not telling you to break out the tissue and weep at the happy ending of a chick flick.  However, if you did, there is nothing wrong with that and I will not tell.  I (Instructor Smith) do not think that makes you weak, but I would not tell the wife (just joking, sort of). 

Showing our children how to love is the only way for them to learn how to love in a healthy manner.  Like a lot of things with the human brain, psychologist/psychiatrists cannot definitively conclude the positive or negative effects on children who were or were not hugged by their fathers as they grew up.  Many men feel we have to be standoffish in order that we can be effective disciplinarians.  I think there is room for both of these men in the lives of our children.  I think they will benefit from the father who will scold them one minute for a very bad decision that caused something to be broken and hug them the next for getting an A on a test in a difficult subject for that child. 

Whether you know it or not, the majority of you are your child’s hero.  The younger the child, the more likely this is a true statement.  Dads are viewed as:  can do no wrong, not afraid of anything/brave, and strong.  Who would want to give us such a powerful image?  However, we all know that image is manufactured.  Let your children see that Dad can make and admit to a mistake.  Let them see how powerful you are by refraining from a major explosion for their bad decisions.  Let them know that you love them by telling them (not just showing them with possessions). 

Ensure you raise your sons to know how to be a good man! Ensure they know a good man does not just have children, but are good fathers.  Ensure they know a man lives up to ALL of his responsibilities and keeps his word.  Ensure they know a real man does not try to get over and take advantage of others.  Make sure he knows how to wash his own clothes, and cook and clean for himself.

Ensure you raise your daughters to know how to identify a good man! Ensure you are the first man to tell her that you love her instead of some pervert who only wants to do unspeakable things to her (because that will work).  Ensure you are the first man to tell her she is a pretty young lady who can do ANYTHING she puts her mind to doing.  Teach her how to take care of her own car and yard.

As men, I think we it is time we challenge some of society’s “norms” over our lives and do what we think and know will benefit our children.  It is time to ensure we are fathers our children need us to be.  Unfortunately, we cannot be the fathers that our fathers were.  Those days are gone.  We have to be the fathers for this new age.  Some of the old lessons still apply, but it is time to embrace some of the new “norms” and not care what society has to say about them.  Time to stop being a father and be a DAD! You have earned the right because you are a GREAT MAN!!!

I AM… Positive Messages for Self

Most humans are experts at beating themselves up, but are novice at lifting themselves up.  We are quick to believe the negative others speak of us, but are slow to internalize the praise.  It is a fact that each human is her/his own worst critic, so if we listen to ourselves so intently for the negative, then maybe we can train ourselves to listen even more intently for the positive.

Giving yourself a daily positive message can be just the weapon you need to combat all of the negative thoughts we allow to clutter our minds on a daily basis.  A friend of mine relayed a story about how her sister called her fat on a regular when she was only 6 years old.  Today, at 37, she struggles with her weight which causes her to beat herself up even more over the subject.  When she speaks about the subject you can almost see the hurt 6 year old standing in front of you instead of the successful 37 year that she truly is today.  My point, as humans, we will quickly believe and internalize the negative that is said to or of us.  Therefore, we need to bombard ourselves positive messages DAILY in order that we can internalize those messages instead.

 

Some of you have heard me say to students at the end of a belt testing that they need to look in the mirror and tell themselves that s/he is a great person.  I engage in this exercise myself daily.  I encourage everyone, young or just young at heart to do the same.  If you hear something enough, negative and more importantly positive, you will unwittingly begin to believe it.  Here are the things I tell myself daily while staring at myself in the mirror while I brush my teeth:

Lord, I come to You again today, with a humble heart, with the following truths.  I pray for guidance in believing in my heart all of these truths and walk the path you have planned for me:

The LORD is my EVERYTHING!

I am nothing without GOD!

I am handsome.

I am confident.

I am intelligent. 

I am dedicated. 

I am motivating. 

I am inspiring. 

I am in control of my emotions.

I am wealthy in my spiritual, financial and love life. 

I am an influential person.

I do NOT speak or live in any negative thoughts.

Only through God can I make my dreams come true.

I am a successful businessman!

I am a faithful and obedient servant of the Lord!

I am a great instructor.

I am a great pet owner. 

I am a great son. 

I am a great brother. 

I am a great uncle.

I am a great relative.

I am a great friend.

I am a great provider.

I am forgiving.  I continue to pray for forgiveness for anyone who has wronged me.

I continue to pray for forgiveness for anyone I have wronged.

I DO NOT FEAR MY STORMS!!! I know my storms will not last.  I know that You will see me through my storms, Lord Almighty.

I am not intimidated by anyone!

I deserve God’s grace, peace and mercy! I deserve God’s favor! I HAVE WHAT GOD HAS DETERMINED TO BE MINE!

In the name of Your son, Jesus Christ, I pray these truths over my life.  AMEN!

As you can see, my statements are me talking to the Lord while I tell myself all the great things I need to hear.  You do not have to use my positive thoughts.  As a matter of fact, you should NOT use my positive thoughts, but come up with your own.  You must tell yourself how great you are if you are ever going to be a better person.  You must reinforce it daily, until you believe it.  Then, continue to reinforce it daily.  Never stop telling yourself how great you are.  This should not give you an ego complex to the point of arrogance.  It will should just balance you out and increase your self-confidence.  LOVE YOURSELF!!! Now get started with your positive motivation.

Continue to love your family as our SBBW family grows together!

SBBW Newsletter - September 2012 What's Going On At SBBW

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. - Just A Little Bit

Respect is a word most of us use, but many fail to practice.  Webster defines this word as high/special regard or an act of giving particular attention.  I define it is as giving common courtesy to others.

Here are a few things to teach our children and ourselves:

R - regard the well-being of others

E - exemplify the example you want others, especially your child, to follow

S - speak in a kind and courteous manner

P - pay close attention to your tone in order not to offend

E - expect positive behavior from everyone

C - consider the feelings of others

T - treat others the way you want to be treated.

    Always keep in mind that your child is watching you.  The old adage “Monkey see, monkey do” is very real.  Children , like most humans, only remember 70% of what you say to them, but 80% of what they see you do.  Therefore, if you want a respectful, well behaved child, you must be a respectful, well behaved adult.  Children learn from us how to treat others, so we must be the example.

   Love your family as our SMAA family grows together!

SBBW Newsletter - August 2012 What's Going On At SBBW

Home Safety - 2

The next Home Safety topic is: Home Invasion.  This topic is a bit hard to research.  Why?  The authorities have not decided on a single definition of home invasion.  Plus the FBI nor any other police authority track/classify home invasion differently from similar crimes.  The media has been accused of labeling some incidents as home invasions when in fact they are more of home robbery.  The few facts we do have seem to point to the reduction of home invasions across the nation.  That is great news, but do not celebrate too prematurely.
 

My point of doing this article is to make you think and consider the safety of your family.  On that note, have you considered what you will do if armed individuals forced their way into your home?  Do you have items in your home which would make you more of target than your neighbor?  Do you have a means of protecting your family? 

Lets talk weapons in the home…  Are your weapons secure and out of the reach of curios little hands/minds?  If you need to get to the weapon, how quickly can you make that happen?  Have you taught your children where they should hide in the case of a break-in while the family is home or they are home alone?  Have you considered, in case invaders were after your child, how long would it take for you to get to her/him from any point in your home?  Do you KNOW the laws regarding how much force you can legally use to protect your family in your home?

I love the last question.  Most believe, my castle is my home so you invade I have the right to use deadly force to prevent you harming my family. That way of thinking is right and wrong at the same time.  You have to make a split second decision on how you will react to the invasion.  It is the District Attorney's decision of whether the amount of force you used was warranted.  Please read the following article by the website Georgia Packing (you can click the link to the left to go to the article):

Deadly Force

There are 3 code sections that govern when lethal or deadly force may lawfully be used.

Defense from a forcible felony; A person is justified in using threats or force to the degree they reasonably believe it is necessary to stop another person's imminent use of unlawful force. A person is justified in using deadly force which may harm or kill only if he or she reasonably believes that such force is necessary to prevent death or great bodily injury to himself or herself or a third person or to prevent the commission of a forcible felony (unless it is regarding defense of habitation, which has it's own requirements below). You are not justified if you were the aggressor or you are/were/on-the-way-to committing a felony. (The state has pre-empted local cities and counties from further restricting this defense.)(16-3-21)

Defense of habitation; (here habitation means dwelling, motor vehicle, or place of business) A person is justified in the use of force which is intended or likely to cause death or great bodily harm only if:

1. A person is breaking\has broken into your home in a violent and tumultuous manner, and you think that the intruder is going to assault you or someone else living there.
2. A person who is not a member of the family or household and who unlawfully and forcibly enters the residence and you know it is an unlawful entry.
3. The person using such force reasonably believes that the entry is made or attempted for the purpose of committing a felony therein and that such force is necessary to prevent the commission of the felony.

(16-3-23)

Defense of property other than habitation; Lethal force cannot be used to protect real property unless the person using such force reasonably believes that it is necessary to prevent the commission of a forcible felony.(16-3-24)

(Stand Your Ground/Shoot First/License To Murder - went into effect July 1st, 2006) If you have determined you need to use lethal force (as stated in one of the underlined "Defense" sections immediately above) you do not have to try to retreat before using that force. If your defense is valid, you are immune from criminal prosecution (unless it is illegal to carry that weapon where you used it) and civil liability actions.(16-3-23.1, 16-3-24.2, 51-11-9)

I found a great article on the website Home Invasion News (click the link to go to the article) which has some good information for your review.  I would not discuss most of this with your children unless you want to have a guest in your bed for the next two months.  This topic can be a bit scary for little ones to comprehend, so please be careful when and if you plan to discuss most of these issues with them.  Please do NOT consider this a bible on home invasion.  My intention is to start the discussion and make a PLAN!!! Plan to stay alive for your family.  Just like in project management, in order not to fail, you must plan.  If you fail to plan, then you plan to fail!

Continue to love your family as our SBBW family grows together!

SBBW Newsletter - July 2012 What's Going On At SBBW

Home Safety - Part 1

How much thought have you given to your family’s reaction in the event of a real-life emergency? Most of you realize that I take ALL of your safety in consideration at SBBW and not just physical attacks.  For the next few months I will review ideas for you to discuss and plan with your family.  The first event is: FIRE!

Fire departments in the US responded to approximately 384,000 home fires in 2010. No one can pinpoint any one cause for you to be weary of in your home.  All you can do is plan for a number of “just in cases”.

For example, today many home owners keep a fire extinguisher in their kitchens.  GREAT IDEA! But what if you were in bed and the fire has already started up the stairs completely cutting off your exit to the front door?  What would you do? 

The great news is fire extinguishers are fairly cheap today.  Maybe you should consider purchasing another one or three to be placed in the master bedroom and other accessible spots on the upper level.

Have you considered what will you do or your children do if a fire cuts off your access to them?  Have you taught your children how to respond in the event of  a fire?  Do your children know how to operate the fire extinguisher? Do they have accessible escape ladders in their rooms in case of a fire?  I can easily imagine some parents concern that their children will use the escape ladder to slip out of their bedroom windows, but is the alternative worth the risk?  I hope you make the right decision for your family.

What is the plan in case you and your children are separated after a fire?  Do you have a central meeting point where everyone is expected to gather once they are safe?  Do you have neighbors you can trust for the safety of your children in case you are injured?  Have you discussed these options with your children and your neighbors? Do your children know to touch a door to check for excessive heat indicating a fire on the other side?

I have covered some broad strokes here, so let me break down where you might want to begin:

• Make an escape plan! Keep it simple, but have more than one option in case the original route has been cut off.
• Establish a Central Meeting Point to be used after an incident.
• Review the plan at least every three (3) months, if not more often.
• Teach your children to properly use fire extinguishers.
• Check the batteries in your smoke detectors.  Replace dead batteries or broken units immediately.
• Teach your children and practice touching a door to check for a fire on the other side before opening the door.
• Purchase fire extinguishers to place in strategic areas on the upper level of your home (master bedroom, hall closet, linen closet, etc.).
• If you do not have a fire extinguisher in your kitchen, please purchase one immediately.  If you have one, please check it to ensure it is full charged.

Please remember these are only a FEW ideas of things to make your family a bit safer.  Please use the following and other websites to learn more:  www.nfpa.org or www.mariettaga.gov/city/fire.  Your family's safety is in your hands.  Please do not hesitate to ensure you all remain safe.

Continue to love your family as our SBBW family grows together!

(NOTE:  Instructor Smith is NOT a fire prevention expert.  The blog is his opinion and an accumulation of articles he has read and seminars he has attended.  Heed this advice at your own risk.)

No Does Not Mean I Do Not Love You

Have you ever told your child NO, for good reason, then s/he got so upset you were told, “You don’t love me. I hate you.”  Children need to understand that NO does not mean you do not love them. 

The best approach is to tell your child no and explain to them why you are saying no, if you are not agitated and if warranted.  If you find yourself agitated, please take a minute to calm yourself then explain your reason.  Keep in mind that no one, adult nor child, can hear when you are screaming at them in anger! Always remember we are very large to our little people and a towering giant screaming at the top of their lungs while standing over them can be terrifying, plus ineffective. Talking in a calm, rational, stern voice works every time.

When you are explaining, only explain your reason for saying no, not your action or attempt to defend your action.  To protect your children you have the right and responsibility to keep them from harm.  The way to do that many times is to say NO to some requests.  Keep your answer short and concise. You are not on trial and do not have to justify wanting to protect your child.

Love your family as our SMAA family grows together!

Buy One and Get One Free for 4 Months at SBBW

An incredible offer to give everyone a chance to try Smith's Black Belt World...  Sign-up one family member and the second one trains for FREE for four (4) months with the purchase of SBBW uniform.

Take advantage of this offer TODAY! Limited time offer.

Smith's Black Belt World Family Training Offer



All Smith's Black Belt World families may train for two (2) months FREE with the purchase of a SBBW uniform.  No Tricks! No Gimmicks!

Smith' Black Belt World Family Training Offer

SBBW JUNE CURRICULUM SCHEDULE:

SPARRING:  June 5 - 9 (Safety Gear Required)
BASICS AND FORMS:  June 12 - 16
SELF-DEFENSE:  June 19 - 23 (Safety Gear Required)
POWER AND KNOWLEDGE:  June 26 - 30

SBBW Newsletter - June 2012
What's Going On At SBBW

School Is Out, Summer Is In.  Come have fun and learn with us!

SMAA Newsletter - May 2012
What's Going On At SMAA

SMAA Newsletter - April 2012
What's Going On At SMAA

SMAA Joined USA Taekwondo

All SMAA students should join as soon as possible! Please go to the following link and sign-up today!

 www.usa-taekwondo.us

 Smith's Martial Arts Academy School/Club # is 6403.

SMAA Women's Self-Defense Seminar

WHEN: April 21, 2012

TIME: 3:00 - 6:00 PM
WHERE: Smith's Martial Arts Academy, 3931 Mary Eliza Trace, NW, Suite 210, Marietta, GA
COST: SMAA Students/Mothers - $20; All Others - $30
AGE: Minimum - 13 years old for Non-SMAA Students; Maximum - NONE.

(NOTE: We ask Non-SMAA students be at least 13 years old, because their brains can understand and process the physical threat we will impose on them. NO ONE WILL BE HARMED, but our actions can scare younger ladies. If you think your child can handle the seminar, please feel free to sign them up.)

Please invite your family and friends. Everyone needs to sign up by Saturday, April 14, 2012. During the seminar, we will not only discuss important topics for the safety of our women, but we will teach you through REAL physical action. You do not need to be afraid! You will not be harmed, however, through our training we will ensure you understand it takes to keep you safe. If you have any questions or concerns, please let me know as soon as possible.

SMAA Newsletter - March 2012
What's Going On At SMAA

SMAA March 2012 Curriculum Schedule:

- SPARRING: March 6 - 10 (Safety Gear Required)
- BASICS AND FORMS: March 13 - 17
- SELF-DEFENSE: March 20 - 24 (Safety Gear Required)
- POWER AND KNOWLEDGE: March 27 - 31