This month I only want to talk to my dads and
future dads… Although I do not have
children of my own, I know what I am talking about. Being an uncle since I was 8 years old has
given me a huge clue. Now that the
politics are out of the way, I need my brothers from other mothers to do something for me... If you do not it already, I need you to give
your children a BIG hug, a kiss on the forehead, and tell your children and
wife (in front of your children) you love them!
This sounds simple, but you might be surprise how many men have
never and will never actually do this simple thing that means so much. You may also be surprised at the number of
men who have never witnessed a man share that type of public love with their
mothers/grandmothers/aunts. As men in
America, we are taught to shut up and not show emotion. Showing emotion means you are weak and not
worthy of respect. No man wants to be
viewed as weak! No man wants to be disrespected! I thought the greatest thing I
witnessed at SBBW was a father kissing his son on the top of his head right
before his test while telling him he is proud of him and that he loves
him. That was a huge WOW for me! Today,
I am here to tell you to go against the societal norm. You will retain the respect of your family
and you will have more emotionally stable children. No, I am not telling you to break out the
tissue and weep at the happy ending of a chick flick. However, if you did, there is nothing wrong
with that and I will not tell. I (Instructor
Smith) do not think that makes you weak, but I would not tell the wife (just
joking, sort of).
Showing our children how to love is the only way for them to learn
how to love in a healthy manner. Like a
lot of things with the human brain, psychologist/psychiatrists cannot definitively
conclude the positive or negative effects on children who were or were not
hugged by their fathers as they grew up.
Many men feel we have to be standoffish in order that we can be
effective disciplinarians. I think there
is room for both of these men in the lives of our children. I think they will benefit from the father who
will scold them one minute for a very bad decision that caused something to be
broken and hug them the next for getting an A on a test in a difficult subject
for that child.
Whether you know it or not, the majority of you are your child’s
hero. The younger the child, the more
likely this is a true statement. Dads
are viewed as: can do no wrong, not
afraid of anything/brave, and strong.
Who would want to give us such a powerful image? However, we all know that image is
manufactured. Let your children see that
Dad can make and admit to a mistake. Let
them see how powerful you are by refraining from a major explosion for their
bad decisions. Let them know that you
love them by telling them (not just showing them with possessions).
Ensure you raise your sons to know how to be a good man! Ensure they
know a good man does not just have children, but are good fathers. Ensure they know a man lives up to ALL of his
responsibilities and keeps his word.
Ensure they know a real man does not try to get over and take advantage
of others. Make sure he knows how to
wash his own clothes, and cook and clean for himself.
Ensure you raise your daughters to know how to identify a good man!
Ensure you are the first man to tell her that you love her instead of some
pervert who only wants to do unspeakable things to her (because that will
work). Ensure you are the first man to
tell her she is a pretty young lady who can do ANYTHING she puts her mind to
doing. Teach her how to take care of her
own car and yard.
As men, I think we it is time we challenge some of society’s “norms”
over our lives and do what we think and know will benefit our children. It is time to ensure we are fathers our children
need us to be. Unfortunately, we cannot
be the fathers that our fathers were.
Those days are gone. We have to
be the fathers for this new age. Some of
the old lessons still apply, but it is time to embrace some of the new “norms”
and not care what society has to say about them. Time to stop being a father and be a DAD! You
have earned the right because you are a GREAT MAN!!!
