Let's Hear It for the DADS!

This month I only want to talk to my dads and future dads…  Although I do not have children of my own, I know what I am talking about.  Being an uncle since I was 8 years old has given me a huge clue.  Now that the politics are out of the way, I need my brothers from other mothers to do something for me...  If you do not it already, I need you to give your children a BIG hug, a kiss on the forehead, and tell your children and wife (in front of your children) you love them!

This sounds simple, but you might be surprise how many men have never and will never actually do this simple thing that means so much.  You may also be surprised at the number of men who have never witnessed a man share that type of public love with their mothers/grandmothers/aunts.  As men in America, we are taught to shut up and not show emotion.  Showing emotion means you are weak and not worthy of respect.  No man wants to be viewed as weak! No man wants to be disrespected! I thought the greatest thing I witnessed at SBBW was a father kissing his son on the top of his head right before his test while telling him he is proud of him and that he loves him.  That was a huge WOW for me! Today, I am here to tell you to go against the societal norm.  You will retain the respect of your family and you will have more emotionally stable children.  No, I am not telling you to break out the tissue and weep at the happy ending of a chick flick.  However, if you did, there is nothing wrong with that and I will not tell.  I (Instructor Smith) do not think that makes you weak, but I would not tell the wife (just joking, sort of). 

Showing our children how to love is the only way for them to learn how to love in a healthy manner.  Like a lot of things with the human brain, psychologist/psychiatrists cannot definitively conclude the positive or negative effects on children who were or were not hugged by their fathers as they grew up.  Many men feel we have to be standoffish in order that we can be effective disciplinarians.  I think there is room for both of these men in the lives of our children.  I think they will benefit from the father who will scold them one minute for a very bad decision that caused something to be broken and hug them the next for getting an A on a test in a difficult subject for that child. 

Whether you know it or not, the majority of you are your child’s hero.  The younger the child, the more likely this is a true statement.  Dads are viewed as:  can do no wrong, not afraid of anything/brave, and strong.  Who would want to give us such a powerful image?  However, we all know that image is manufactured.  Let your children see that Dad can make and admit to a mistake.  Let them see how powerful you are by refraining from a major explosion for their bad decisions.  Let them know that you love them by telling them (not just showing them with possessions). 

Ensure you raise your sons to know how to be a good man! Ensure they know a good man does not just have children, but are good fathers.  Ensure they know a man lives up to ALL of his responsibilities and keeps his word.  Ensure they know a real man does not try to get over and take advantage of others.  Make sure he knows how to wash his own clothes, and cook and clean for himself.

Ensure you raise your daughters to know how to identify a good man! Ensure you are the first man to tell her that you love her instead of some pervert who only wants to do unspeakable things to her (because that will work).  Ensure you are the first man to tell her she is a pretty young lady who can do ANYTHING she puts her mind to doing.  Teach her how to take care of her own car and yard.

As men, I think we it is time we challenge some of society’s “norms” over our lives and do what we think and know will benefit our children.  It is time to ensure we are fathers our children need us to be.  Unfortunately, we cannot be the fathers that our fathers were.  Those days are gone.  We have to be the fathers for this new age.  Some of the old lessons still apply, but it is time to embrace some of the new “norms” and not care what society has to say about them.  Time to stop being a father and be a DAD! You have earned the right because you are a GREAT MAN!!!